My brain lies to me.
It took me a long time to figure that out, but it’s true. My brain lies to me when it tells me that I’m weak. My brain lies to me when it sets my heart racing because of whatever imagined threat it has developed. My brain lies to me when it tells me no one cares about me, that I don’t matter.
Because I know this, I can often prepare myself for it. I can often build up the counter-arguments and calming mechanisms to all of its lies.
But what happens when it’s not a lie? What happens when the truth is, to a huge portion of your country, you don’t matter? What is the counter-argument for that?
And I know that I have many friends and colleagues who have felt that before now, who have not been able to convince themselves that their brain lies because the world shows them differently.
I am devastated for all of us. And scared.
This morning, I shared with my husband that I cannot remember a time I felt so unvalued as a human being. This is not entirely true – every time I have been in the throes of depression, I have felt this way. I just knew it was in my head those times.
I am not ready to get to work – though I know many will tell me that’s the next step. Today I am mourning my value – and the value of my friends and colleagues.
And I will remind you all – because I know I need to hear this today, too – YOU MATTER TO ME.
With love,
Kristen